holly heights mailbox

[keepcalmandbomb]

☆ spouse gorilla ☆ kid #1 ☆ kid #2 ☆



mailbox ☆ call ☆ text ☆ spam/etc

Comments

[keepcalmandbomb]

it's katsura

how soon? i'm packing family's lunch right now. might take a while to peel all those bananas

huh?

ACTION

[keepcalmandbomb]

[ he considers this for a moment. ]

You may have a point there. Deep blue and light blue are a bit too similar when it comes to colouring merchandise, of course we could not have them both. I thought Gintoki's secondary colour was white, though?...

[ still, he pats the green star proudly because this is like, a sign of acknowledgement from the Leader! ]

Ah, would you perhaps like a red one in return? It would go well with your passion, leadership and clothes.

[keepcalmandbomb]

[ Whoopsie. Oh well, she'll get used to it. ]

It's alright, it's alright. Thank you.

[ sounds of nose blowing ]

[keepcalmandbomb]

I AM NOT SHORT STAFFED!!

[ shrieking like a true housewife at this point ]

I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR ANYTHING ABOUT YOUR TRUNK RINGS!! YOU HAVE NO SHAAAMEEEEEEE!!! ...eh?

[ okay, now he's smiling a little ]

Of course! Now then, I think the soap is starting...

[chinagirl]

[ There's a loud bang, followed by a cracking noise, which is then followed by the sound of the front door hitting the floor. Yes, Kagura has kicked her way into the house. And yes, she is sobbing dramatically. ]

Zuraaaaaaa!

ACTION

[keepcalmandbomb]

[ OH NO HE'LL HAVE TO GET A NEW DOOR ]

[ MORE IMPORTANTLY, THERE IS A SAD LITTLE GORI-GIRL IN HIS HALLWAY ]

It's not Zura, it's Katsura!!

[ the frantic reply comes out of the bathroom, because what else can people possibly be doing when someone breaks in, huh? ]

Ah, there are rice dumplings in the fridge! I will be right there!

[ from what he knows about upset children is that food usually helps. his knowledge might be biased. ]

Re: ACTION

[chinagirl]

[ HE KNOWS HER TOO WELL. She heads into the kitchen, still heaving loud sobs. When he gets done on the toilet, he'll find kagura at the fridge, shoving all the dumplings (and maybe whatever else she finds) into her mouth. ]

[keepcalmandbomb]

[ It might take a while, since out of shock at having his front door kicked out he's gotten his long hair stuck in the toilet... ]

[ BUT ONCE EVERYTHING'S TAKEN CARE OF ]

[ he will approach the girl carefully and pat her on the back, concerned. ]

What is the matter, Leader? Did Gintoki suffer a diabetic stroke? Are you out of food?

[chinagirl]

Not yet aru.

[ FORESHADOWING ]

It is Gin-chan though...

[ She's managing to keep up the theatrical tone in her voice, but she can't be bothered to match her facial expressions with her speech. Her face looks totally placid as she stuffs it. ]

I don't think Gin-chan wants me anymore aru. Gin-chan does not pay attention to me, or let me have a real bed! He does not help with the Yorozuya work either aru...

[keepcalmandbomb]

It's coming, huh...

[ ALL THE FORESHADOWING ]

Huh? I-I'm sure that's not it! He really cares about you and Shintaro-kun... although he is also a dirty good-for-nothing that makes children do all of his work...

[ POOR BABY he'll even pat her head while scratching his chin in thought ]

Ah, perhaps he would remember to treat you nicer if he thought something bad happened to you?

[chinagirl]

Like a monsoon aru?

[keepcalmandbomb]

Yes, exactly! A monsoon, an appendicitis, going missing! Perhaps even getting kidnapped by Wario!

[chinagirl]

But there is no wario here aru. And no one is strong enough to kidnap a Yato.

[keepcalmandbomb]

What if there is someone else? What if upset by your wounded heart, you went out into the sun and were blindsided by an old enemy of his?!

[ he's... actually not sure if blaming it on Takasugi would be a good idea. but it would definitely get a reaction out of Gintoki, right ]

[chinagirl]

The doctor aru?

[ Because she's stuck on Diabetes now. Also, she's stupid. ]

[keepcalmandbomb]

[ what are you talking about it's as good of an idea as any ]

The doctor or the Doctor? Oh, either one would do, I suppose! Perhaps we should draft it out in a material form!

[ here come sheets of paper and pencils, and Katsura maniacally starts scribbling things down. ]

Should he send him your severed ear as a warning?

[chinagirl]

Let's send him a chunk of your head, since there's nothing in it you're using.

[ Actually, instead of breaking off a chunk of Zura, she grabs her umbrella. Then she twists it in her hands so it becomes a mangled mess. ]

Put this with it aru!

[keepcalmandbomb]

There's plenty of things in it that I use!..

[ It's a great idea! Even though it probably means he will have to buy her a new umbrella. He nods enthusiastically and continues writing this and that, his tongue sticking out in concentration, until he presents the letter to Kagura. ]

[ ...they wrestle over it for a little while, and once both parties are contented with the demands, an anonymous package is sent. ]

Re: t e x t

[pachintoki]

[after this sometime.]

So you're a villain now?

t e x t

[keepcalmandbomb]

I have never been, nor do I intend to be, a 'villain'. You are looking on the wrong side of the barricades.

[chinagirl]

[ AND THEN it is off to the umbrella store. Once Kagura has chosen her nyancat umbrella, she sighs and looks up to Zura. ]

What should we do now aru?

[keepcalmandbomb]

[ it's a really nice umbrella, rainbows and everything! once again Katsura appreciates the credit card that Gorilla-san comes with, as it's basically the only reason he still lives here. yes. ]

[ he texts as they walk down the pavement, looking deep in thought. ]

Hmm. Gintoki appears to think that I am making a career as a M*rio villain for some reason.

[ wonder what that would be. clasping the phone closed, he looks at Kagura brightly ]

I'm sure he will be worried sick by tomorrow! Until then... Anything you would like? We could play table games or fly a kite or visit that new sealife exhibit --

[chinagirl]

Gin-chan texted you aru?

[ She looks down at her own phone, bitterly, then scoffs. ]

Sealife aru? Like an ocean zoo?

[keepcalmandbomb]

Indeed he has... I swear, it's as if he's not taking the predicament you're in seriously.

[ Frowning in sympathy, he pats her head. ]

Uh-huh. Fish and seals and strange plants. Maybe they would let us play with the dolphins...

[chinagirl]

[ She shoves her phone in her pocket, and brightens a little. ]

Let's do that! But you should carry me aru, I'm in an unstable emotional state.