[He shakes his head, bemused by his waifu's ignorance] The human body can stretch to impressive diameters when the situation is dire. [He pales] Yo-you put that kind of stuff in there? You're so hardcore, Katsura-san. I had no idea you were so flexible....your people must be so proud of your accomplishments.
Mmm, true, true. That sounds delightful! It'll warm the heart and the wallet! Can we have a segment dedicated to proper nair application as well? Of course you'll be needing a sexy co-host as well. [He frames his face with big meaty hands, smiling innocently]
Of course they are! I am this close to toppling over the Bakufu with peaceful methods, after all. [ scowls ] If you are thinking of putting anything in there, however, I will have to cut you down right here, dirty-craddle-robbing-ape-san.
Ah, that is not a bad idea. I wonder if G*orge Cloon*y lives around these parts somewhere? We might be in trouble otherwise... [ completely oblivious to Kondo's blatant suggestion of himself ] ...perhaps the show could be salvaged if you wear this, Kondo-san.
[ HOLDING UP AN ELIZABETH SHEET, who knows where he even got it from but he's staring at Kondo expectantly with those dead serious dumb deer eyes ]
You're closer to toppling my grandma's J*nga set from the bottom up, and she kept her dentures there to fortify our spirits. [Balks] I DIDN'T ROB ANY CRADLE, IT'S LEGAL PERFECTLY LEGAL! There were no rattles or butt cream in sight. Don't cut anything, leave it alone.
[Blank stare slaps the sheet out of his wife's hands] I think Gorilla Cl**ny will be the host this city deserves.
Nonsense. I practice Jenga all the time, I would pull your grandmother's dentures out of it without toppling it!!
IT MAY BE LEGAL GOING BY THE LAW FORGED BY THE LIKES OF YOU, BUT NOT THE HUMANITY!! HOW OLD ARE YOU, ANYWAY? IS TAE-DONO EVEN EIGHTEEN YET?
[ flails ]
[ catches it and pulls lip dramatically ]
That does not sound cute at all! Come on, Gorilla-Cl**ny-san, do not forget that we have been bound by the sacred shackles of a faux marriage. I miss Elizabeth dearly and it is my birthday! Wear it for me!..
I detect the scent of an amateur with that kinda talk, my friend. There's no need to talk so big, you'll get there eventually. [A mad mad grin twists his lips and his eyes look wild and creepier than usual as he grunts] You've been met with a terrible fate, haven't you?
BY THE LAWS INVESTED BY OUR FOREGORILLAS! IT'S ALL VERY SOPHISTOCATED! TAKE A LOOK AT THE CHARACTER STATS YOU NE'ER DO WELL! SHE'S PERFECTLY LEGAL AND I'M ONLY TWENTY ****! How sad. If you want to take over the business you'll have to pay more attention to detail, Katsura-san.
[Sweats profusely oh no oh no oh no nonono not the lip thing oh Christ's nipples not the lip thing] Oi OIII now c'mon I'm sure there are lots of suckers- I mean, great people who would wear it for you! I wouldn't want to accidentally tear out the ass of something you love so much...do-don't be cry...
Stop talking down to me! I am a strong independent housewife and if I say I would beat you in J*nga, then so I would!
[ glaring up at the mountain of a gorilla. wow for some reason he doesn't feel like he's making a decent scary impression here ]
THAT'S THIRTY *****! DON'T YOU EVER DARE TO MENTION STATS AGAIN!!! I JUST LOOKED AT THEM AGAIN AND IT MAKES ME LOOK LIKE SOME TINY THING NEXT TO GORILLAS!!!!!
[ YES THE LIP THING he does look a little reassured though ]
Oh, perhaps you are right. There are people looking for jobs all the time, perhaps I should present it as a part-time position...
[Ew, no, that's the kind of crap that decides angsty backstories and bathtub capers, Ev*anesscence playing in the bg. Fate decided]
I can't help that you're so short staffed, Katsura-san. Uh huh, okay, I, like, totally believe you.
[Nope, like the tiny dog with the Big Ass Dog complex, the gorilla is unmoved.]
NO, I'M TWENTY**** IN MY HEART! AND MY SOUL! I HAVE TWENTY **** RINGS ON MY TRUNK, DAMMIT! LIKE THOSE OLD TREES! I JUST LOOKED AGAIN! You are a very impressive spec next to the gorillas though, Katsura-san.
[NOOO NOT THE LIP THING. Sweats bullets but he's a little comforted, he might have dodged the bullet]
Exaaaactly! Why, it'll be a hot spot in the ad page, I'm sure!
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2013-07-15 01:17 am (UTC)Mmm, true, true. That sounds delightful! It'll warm the heart and the wallet! Can we have a segment dedicated to proper nair application as well? Of course you'll be needing a sexy co-host as well. [He frames his face with big meaty hands, smiling innocently]
no subject
Date: 2013-07-18 06:00 pm (UTC)Of course they are! I am this close to toppling over the Bakufu with peaceful methods, after all. [ scowls ] If you are thinking of putting anything in there, however, I will have to cut you down right here, dirty-craddle-robbing-ape-san.
Ah, that is not a bad idea. I wonder if G*orge Cloon*y lives around these parts somewhere? We might be in trouble otherwise... [ completely oblivious to Kondo's blatant suggestion of himself ] ...perhaps the show could be salvaged if you wear this, Kondo-san.
[ HOLDING UP AN ELIZABETH SHEET, who knows where he even got it from but he's staring at Kondo expectantly with those dead serious dumb deer eyes ]
no subject
Date: 2013-07-19 04:18 am (UTC)You're closer to toppling my grandma's J*nga set from the bottom up, and she kept her dentures there to fortify our spirits. [Balks] I DIDN'T ROB ANY CRADLE, IT'S LEGAL PERFECTLY LEGAL! There were no rattles or butt cream in sight. Don't cut anything, leave it alone.
[Blank stare
slaps the sheet out of his wife's hands] I think Gorilla Cl**ny will be the host this city deserves.
no subject
Date: 2013-07-23 02:31 pm (UTC)Nonsense. I practice Jenga all the time, I would pull your grandmother's dentures out of it without toppling it!!
IT MAY BE LEGAL GOING BY THE LAW FORGED BY THE LIKES OF YOU, BUT NOT THE HUMANITY!! HOW OLD ARE YOU, ANYWAY? IS TAE-DONO EVEN EIGHTEEN YET?
[ flails ]
[ catches it and pulls lip dramatically ]
That does not sound cute at all! Come on, Gorilla-Cl**ny-san, do not forget that we have been bound by the sacred shackles of a faux marriage. I miss Elizabeth dearly and it is my birthday! Wear it for me!..
[ lip wibbles ]
no subject
Date: 2013-07-24 01:05 am (UTC)I detect the scent of an amateur with that kinda talk, my friend. There's no need to talk so big, you'll get there eventually. [A mad mad grin twists his lips and his eyes look wild and creepier than usual as he grunts] You've been met with a terrible fate, haven't you?
BY THE LAWS INVESTED BY OUR FOREGORILLAS! IT'S ALL VERY SOPHISTOCATED! TAKE A LOOK AT THE CHARACTER STATS YOU NE'ER DO WELL! SHE'S PERFECTLY LEGAL AND I'M ONLY TWENTY ****! How sad. If you want to take over the business you'll have to pay more attention to detail, Katsura-san.
[Sweats profusely oh no oh no oh no nonono not the lip thing oh Christ's nipples not the lip thing] Oi OIII now c'mon I'm sure there are lots of suckers- I mean, great people who would wear it for you! I wouldn't want to accidentally tear out the ass of something you love so much...do-don't be cry...
[Wrings his hands, completely stricken]
no subject
Date: 2013-07-30 06:25 pm (UTC)Stop talking down to me! I am a strong independent housewife and if I say I would beat you in J*nga, then so I would!
[ glaring up at the mountain of a gorilla. wow for some reason he doesn't feel like he's making a decent scary impression here ]
THAT'S THIRTY *****! DON'T YOU EVER DARE TO MENTION STATS AGAIN!!! I JUST LOOKED AT THEM AGAIN AND IT MAKES ME LOOK LIKE SOME TINY THING NEXT TO GORILLAS!!!!!
[ YES THE LIP THING he does look a little reassured though ]
Oh, perhaps you are right. There are people looking for jobs all the time, perhaps I should present it as a part-time position...
no subject
Date: 2013-07-31 12:45 am (UTC)I can't help that you're so short staffed, Katsura-san. Uh huh, okay, I, like, totally believe you.
[Nope, like the tiny dog with the Big Ass Dog complex, the gorilla is unmoved.]
NO, I'M TWENTY**** IN MY HEART! AND MY SOUL! I HAVE TWENTY **** RINGS ON MY TRUNK, DAMMIT! LIKE THOSE OLD TREES! I JUST LOOKED AGAIN! You are a very impressive spec next to the gorillas though, Katsura-san.
[NOOO NOT THE LIP THING. Sweats bullets but he's a little comforted, he might have dodged the bullet]
Exaaaactly! Why, it'll be a hot spot in the ad page, I'm sure!
no subject
Date: 2013-08-22 06:32 pm (UTC)[ shrieking like a true housewife at this point ]
I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR ANYTHING ABOUT YOUR TRUNK RINGS!! YOU HAVE NO SHAAAMEEEEEEE!!! ...eh?
[ okay, now he's smiling a little ]
Of course! Now then, I think the soap is starting...