[When Zura stops untangling his Bentendo controller from the hell that is crossed cords and checks his mailbox, there's an innocent package waiting for him!
Inside is a CD and this tasty snack All items clearly have tags from Holly-Mart still attached but its the thought and the message that counts:]
Not lame villain at all! Thank you 4 sharing your conditioner! Happy birthday! You're a real tacky asshole Swaglite Warrior!
[ Katsura cares little about the price tags, because heck, this just might be the most of actual birthday presents he's ever gotten. He almost weeps when he unpacks the C*line Di*n CD and the noodles. ]
...Kondo-san...
[ a single tear rolls down his cheek ]
I NEVER ALLOWED YOU USING MY CONDITIONER!!!
[ nonetheless, a few hours later he'll actually have dinner ready to welcome the goddamn nice gorilla home. it's just fried rice with mild curry sauce, but at least it's actually edible, unlike Otae-san's tamagoyaki. Although it might also help with constipation as a side effect. Who knows. ]
[ There will even be clean dishes and a candle waiting on the dining table. ]
[Kondo was pretty grateful to get out of the house earlier that day. No, it wasn't because it was stuffy, what, arguing with nearly every breath and dodging bombs (literally), and it certainly wasn't to get away from the charming family moments they did surprisingly have.
He did it. Ohhh he did it. He was done for. This was it. He'd heard Katsura cry- er, remembered the character stats and it was apparent his birthday was close. As in he missed it. But. But everyone should have their birthday acknowledged, spend the day with their closest people to remind them just how they touched those lives, happy to be born and happy to be alive and happy to be able to meet, fated or not. Even terrorists. So he'd done it. He'd gotten his spouse some things to tide him over until those closest to him could come up with something. Like, hey, I remember you dropping my toothbrush in the toilet the other day, you are a huge pain in our ass and you are not forgotten. And he had no idea what was waiting for him when he went home, the very thought of it made his asshole curl up in itself.
However, when he eventually made it home, cringing as he crossed the threshold and clenching every hole in his body for an angry Katsura, nothing came. Something, however, smelled heavenly, and as he made it to the heart of their humble abode, the kitchen, his pulse picked up. What the hell was this lovely gesture? Did they get a hot maid without him knowing...?]
Honey, I'm home....? If you're doing things with the hot maid I'm going to have to ask you to get me sound canceling headphones...
[ it probably only smells heavenly to someone used to crust-burned eggs and bowls of mayo, but hey. and if it does end up causing diarrhea, Katsura won't be purposefully occupying the bathroom! so, all good. ]
[ He approaches from the other end of the hallway solemnly like the ghost girl from The Gr*dge, just with better hair. ]
The maid? Please. As if I would resort to such pathetic, inappropriate actions.
[ His glare, however, gradually turns into a tiny, cute, happy smile. Practically beaming, really, as C*line D*on's voice echoes from the living room, insisting that her heart will go ooooooooooon. ]
Thank you for the present, Kondo-san.
[ THIS MAY BE THE FIRST TIME HE'S NOT USING "GORILLA" OR OTHER UNOFFICIAL NICKNAMES WHEN ADDRESSING HIM. ]
[HEY, OTAE-SAN'S BURNT BIOHAZARD FOOD AND MAYO IS A GOOD STAPLE FOR STRONG MEN- who are we kidding. The diarrhea is going to be on his soul, then. He'll never be able to wipe clean the stain from his karma level. Can he live with that can he]
K*yako- Oh, Katsura-san, there you are. I thought you were someone else for a second. [He thought he felt something sinister within those locks...He nods knowingly] That's right, it is inappropriate to have such a young maid here after her curfew. Very naughty indeed, you old so and so.
[Okay so the smile is disconcerting, so disconcerting he feels a bead of sweat trickle perfectly down the line of his asscrack with Feeling. The C*line D*on is a little comforting and the only part of this moment that's keeping him from sharting and ducking behind the couch-
He thanked him. Used his name.
Utter shock follows, a fly's fart could've been heard in that silence. Kondo's chest felt really warm, like K*yako had warmed it in the microwave before the curse, a nice, gentle feeling.
Maybe this wasn't so bad, eh?
A grin as bright as the sun blossoms on his face, utterly touched] You're welcome, Katsura-san. I was just in the neighborhood buying tp when I saw those things and figured you'd enjoy them more than I would. To think, even you have your cute moments! It's a relief.
I am not old and I do not bring young maidens home to do this and that. You, on the other hand, have a history of attempted cradle robbing on your hairy hands.
[ huff ]
Anyway, please enjoy your dinner. It is the least I can do.
[ bows with his hands in his sleves, and socks off to watch the evening soap that's about to start ]
[Dammit. Katsura's jo(i)y, which is now as contagious as a VD, isn't deterred by Zura's rebuff in the slightest. He just chuckles and rolls up his sleeves, plopping down at the table eagerly.]
A May-December romance keeps the Decembers frisky and spry! Don't knock it 'till you try it. And not with the older maid, that's unprofessional. For her grandchildren's sake.
[As he tucks in, he adds, with his mouth full mind you-] You really outdid yourself, Katsura-san. Thank you. But aren't you going to eat something before finding out if Verica woke up from her coma? Your tear ducts will need their strength.
[ Katsura stops and huffs, with the smug face of a true expert. ]
Perhaps you have spent too much time stalking teenagers that could be your daughters, Pervert-san. A woman is like a fine wine, like a rose that needs to bloom fully to show its beauty! The years and wrinkles only add to the charm!
[ Then he's doing that adorable smile/blush again. ]
I have just eaten my birthday cup noodles, thank you. Feel free to join me and Verica once you're done, however.
It isn't pure, devoted love until you accept your beloved as your sister, your daughter, your mother in law and your lover, Katsura-san. Some day you'll understand, I just know it. [His tone is wry, with the gentleness of a teacher imbuing this information to a treasured pupil]
Alright, maybe I will. I'll even bring these extra strength aloe tissues for the stunning reveal.
I am not entirely sure there is anything pure about wanting to **** your sister, Kondo-san. However, I am quite certain that the deities of appropriateness have given up on you long ago.
[ aw it would be sort of sweet if it wasn't, you know, creepy ]
Well thought! Nothing soothes the burn in the heart and eyes like some aloe vera.
It's an instinct that's been infused with our ***** Katsura-san. The pureness of the womb's origins, I read it in a book once. That's why we've got the thrill of the chase and the stalk- it's instinct, instinct! The deities of appropriateness turned their cheeks first. Tch.
[At least it's touching...with fists and stuff]
Damn right! Heres to boogers aimed straight and true.
A man who allows instinct dictate his courtship rituals can not call himself a samurai. I would have expected more discipline out of you, Stalker-san. The cheeks the deities have turned toward you are the ones you see from inside the outhouse box while they cr*p on you, I'm afraid.
[ indeed ]
If one can keep their boogers straight and true, keeping their back the same way is an easy task. This was actually inspiring, Gorilla-san. Thank you.
It is a great honour, and I accept it with most gratitude, Spain-san. I will wear it proudly.
However, I find myself wishing that you were rewarded for your brilliant jogging idea, as well. Unfortunately, I no longer have a red star, so please accept an equal token of creativity and leadership, with my highest esteem along with it.
Sincerely, Katsura
[ there is also a gold star attached, but it's a different one from before!! in fact, its shape might have been modified a little to accent the fact. ]
[ It's the happiest time of the year! That means presents. Lots of presents. Hong Kong will add a few to the pile in the form of his gifts, delivered to your doorstep!
Inside the festively decorated bag, you'll find a small container of gingerbread men, women, and children. Each is uniquely decorated and adorned with icing, gumdrops, licorice, and the odd jelly bean. Don't ask about the jelly beans. The bag also contains a bottle of wine if you happen to be in an adult slot and a bottle of spiced cider for the kiddos. Also in the bag are several small paper cutouts, made from delicate red paper and intended to be pasted in your window. ]
[ For some reason, some of Katsura's gingerbread people look an awful lot like the landlord.... ]
[ It is very thoughtful, considering otherwise he might have felt bad about eating someone's family. The Landlord lost the rights to such charity once he took away most of his and Gintoki's kids. Katsura is going to weep in happiness, and send a festive thank you letter with a DVD of 100 selected best Jackie Chan scenes. ]
[Is a sloppily wrapped package. Zura will open it to reveal this thing of utter beauty. Beneath it is a note:]
To my cute wife, Thanks for another year of happy and constipated marriage! Things between us may still be a little rocky but I look forward to finding out just how far we'll soar together. So I hope this keeps you warm because baby it's cold outside ;)
[When Zura goes to check the mail for recruits resumes and junk mail to burn with glee he's going to be bombarded (HAHA GET IT......) with a waterfall of chocolates. Possibly an actual fondue waterfall.
The note swimming in there somewhere reads as follows:
I'm extremely, HARD PRESSEDLY aware that you aren't a woman, your coconuts can't compare, but you are my wife and you do deserve some appreciation as one of the important people in my life. Thanks for being you, ya weirdo goober. Anyway, here's wonderwall, Isao
[ He'll probably end up knocked off his feet and drowning in chocolate, mouthing 'what shamelessness' at the sight of the fondue fountain. He does soon spot the note, though, and once he fishes his out and reads it, he feels as if his heart grows three times the size... metaphorically speaking, of course, otherwise it would cause serious health problems. ]
[ He has to do something magnificent in return... ]
[There is a small box with two macarons. He was initially going to give out one each but then gave two to Kondo, and decided his lovely wife deserves two as well. They've both been nothing but awesome to him, after all.]
[A note:] I don't think I really ever properly thanked you for helping me get rid of that chef-ghost thing! So have two of these things. Probably still not enough, but it's something. Oh and I guess as a thank you for being really cool in general.
[ So since Kondo got a card, of course Katsura must get one as well.
In specific, it's this beauty, and in the same sense as Kondo's card was nailed to the door with one of 1469's kitchen knives, another of those knives has been used to stab this card to the lid of the mailbox. ]
[ How sad. Someone doesn't get the holiday spirit. It's nice of them to send a card, though. Katsura's going to scribble "It's not wig brat, it's Katsura" across it with a pen and put it with the rest. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
keepcalmandbomb) wrote2013-06-06 03:30 pm
m a i l b o x
[You've got Mail! And it isn't poop!]
Inside is a CD and this tasty snack
All items clearly have tags from Holly-Mart still attached but its the thought and the message that counts:]
Not lame villain at all! Thank you 4 sharing your conditioner! Happy birthday! You're a real
tacky assholeSwaglite Warrior!from: your
hubbyBuddy![reaction + action]
...Kondo-san...
[ a single tear rolls down his cheek ]
I NEVER ALLOWED YOU USING MY CONDITIONER!!!
[ nonetheless, a few hours later he'll actually have dinner ready to welcome the goddamn nice gorilla home. it's just fried rice with mild curry sauce, but at least it's actually edible, unlike Otae-san's tamagoyaki. Although it might also help with constipation as a side effect. Who knows. ]
[ There will even be clean dishes
and a candlewaiting on the dining table. ]Action(s of a stepford terrorist waifu =u=)
He did it. Ohhh he did it. He was done for. This was it. He'd heard Katsura cry- er, remembered the character stats and it was apparent his birthday was close. As in he missed it. But. But everyone should have their birthday acknowledged, spend the day with their closest people to remind them just how they touched those lives, happy to be born and happy to be alive and happy to be able to meet, fated or not. Even terrorists. So he'd done it. He'd gotten his spouse some things to tide him over until those closest to him could come up with something. Like, hey, I remember you dropping my toothbrush in the toilet the other day, you are a huge pain in our ass and you are not forgotten. And he had no idea what was waiting for him when he went home, the very thought of it made his asshole curl up in itself.
However, when he eventually made it home, cringing as he crossed the threshold and clenching every hole in his body for an angry Katsura, nothing came. Something, however, smelled heavenly, and as he made it to the heart of their humble abode, the kitchen, his pulse picked up. What the hell was this lovely gesture? Did they get a hot maid without him knowing...?]
Honey, I'm home....? If you're doing things with the hot maid I'm going to have to ask you to get me sound canceling headphones...
Re: Action(s of a stepford terrorist waifu =u =)
[ He approaches from the other end of the hallway solemnly like the ghost girl from The Gr*dge, just with better hair. ]
The maid? Please. As if I would resort to such pathetic, inappropriate actions.
[ His glare, however, gradually turns into a tiny, cute, happy smile. Practically beaming, really, as C*line D*on's voice echoes from the living room, insisting that her heart will go ooooooooooon. ]
Thank you for the present, Kondo-san.
[ THIS MAY BE THE FIRST TIME HE'S NOT USING "GORILLA" OR OTHER UNOFFICIAL NICKNAMES WHEN ADDRESSING HIM. ]
Re: Action(s of a stepford terrorist waifu =u =)
The diarrhea is going to be on his soul, then. He'll never be able to wipe clean the stain from his karma level. Can he live with that
can he]
K*yako- Oh, Katsura-san, there you are. I thought you were someone else for a second. [He thought he felt something sinister within those locks...He nods knowingly] That's right, it is inappropriate to have such a young maid here after her curfew. Very naughty indeed, you old so and so.
[Okay so the smile is disconcerting, so disconcerting he feels a bead of sweat trickle perfectly down the line of his asscrack with Feeling. The C*line D*on is a little comforting and the only part of this moment that's keeping him from sharting and ducking behind the couch-
He thanked him. Used his name.
Utter shock follows, a fly's fart could've been heard in that silence. Kondo's chest felt really warm, like K*yako had warmed it in the microwave before the curse, a nice, gentle feeling.
Maybe this wasn't so bad, eh?
A grin as bright as the sun blossoms on his face, utterly touched] You're welcome, Katsura-san. I was just in the neighborhood buying tp when I saw those things and figured you'd enjoy them more than I would. To think, even you have your cute moments! It's a relief.
no subject
[ katsura's srsfais turns a little stern ]
I am not old and I do not bring young maidens home to do this and that. You, on the other hand, have a history of attempted cradle robbing on your hairy hands.
[ huff ]
Anyway, please enjoy your dinner. It is the least I can do.
[ bows with his hands in his sleves, and socks off to watch the evening soap that's about to start ]
no subject
Katsura's jo(i)y, which is now as contagious as a VD, isn't deterred by Zura's rebuff in the slightest. He just chuckles and rolls up his sleeves, plopping down at the table eagerly.]
A May-December romance keeps the Decembers frisky and spry! Don't knock it 'till you try it. And not with the older maid, that's unprofessional. For her grandchildren's sake.
[As he tucks in, he adds, with his mouth full mind you-] You really outdid yourself, Katsura-san. Thank you. But aren't you going to eat something before finding out if Verica woke up from her coma? Your tear ducts will need their strength.
no subject
Perhaps you have spent too much time stalking teenagers that could be your daughters, Pervert-san. A woman is like a fine wine, like a rose that needs to bloom fully to show its beauty! The years and wrinkles only add to the charm!
[ Then he's doing that adorable smile/blush again. ]
I have just eaten my birthday cup noodles, thank you. Feel free to join me and Verica once you're done, however.
no subject
Alright, maybe I will. I'll even bring these extra strength aloe tissues for the stunning reveal.
no subject
[ aw it would be sort of sweet if it wasn't, you know, creepy ]
Well thought! Nothing soothes the burn in the heart and eyes like some aloe vera.
no subject
[At least it's touching...with fists and stuff]
Damn right! Heres to boogers aimed straight and true.
no subject
[ indeed ]
If one can keep their boogers straight and true, keeping their back the same way is an easy task. This was actually inspiring, Gorilla-san. Thank you.
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
letter and a sticker,
-Spain
( Attached is one gold star. )
letter and a sticker back!
However, I find myself wishing that you were rewarded for your brilliant jogging idea, as well. Unfortunately, I no longer have a red star, so please accept an equal token of creativity and leadership, with my highest esteem along with it.
Sincerely,
Katsura
[ there is also a gold star attached, but it's a different one from before!! in fact, its shape might have been modified a little to accent the fact. ]
package; December 25th
Inside the festively decorated bag, you'll find a small container of gingerbread men, women, and children. Each is uniquely decorated and adorned with icing, gumdrops, licorice, and the odd jelly bean. Don't ask about the jelly beans. The bag also contains a bottle of wine if you happen to be in an adult slot and a bottle of spiced cider for the kiddos. Also in the bag are several small paper cutouts, made from delicate red paper and intended to be pasted in your window. ]
[ For some reason, some of Katsura's gingerbread people look an awful lot like the landlord.... ]
no subject
[ Merry foreign holidays! ]
sitting on yo pillow....
To my cute wife,
Thanks for another year of happy and constipated marriage! Things between us may still be a little rocky but I look forward to finding out just how far we'll soar together. So I hope this keeps you warm because baby it's cold outside ;)
Your husband,
Isao
P.S I have a matching one don't worry ;)
no subject
[ but he can't break the gorilla's heart, can he? not after so many painful months together!! ]
[ ...he'll be wearing it when he goes downstairs ]
2/14
m a i l b o x
The note swimming in there somewhere reads as follows:
I'm extremely, HARD PRESSEDLY aware that you aren't a woman, your coconuts can't compare, but you are my wife and you do deserve some appreciation as one of the important people in my life. Thanks for being you, ya weirdo goober. Anyway, here's wonderwall,
Isao
Re: m a i l b o x
[ He has to do something magnificent in return... ]
[ later ]
[A little box of macarons]
[A note:] I don't think I really ever properly thanked you for helping me get rid of that chef-ghost thing! So have two of these things. Probably still not enough, but it's something. Oh and I guess as a thank you for being really cool in general.
Yoshitake
delivery, christmas morning
In specific, it's this beauty, and in the same sense as Kondo's card was nailed to the door with one of 1469's kitchen knives, another of those knives has been used to stab this card to the lid of the mailbox. ]
no subject