It isn't pure, devoted love until you accept your beloved as your sister, your daughter, your mother in law and your lover, Katsura-san. Some day you'll understand, I just know it. [His tone is wry, with the gentleness of a teacher imbuing this information to a treasured pupil]
Alright, maybe I will. I'll even bring these extra strength aloe tissues for the stunning reveal.
I am not entirely sure there is anything pure about wanting to **** your sister, Kondo-san. However, I am quite certain that the deities of appropriateness have given up on you long ago.
[ aw it would be sort of sweet if it wasn't, you know, creepy ]
Well thought! Nothing soothes the burn in the heart and eyes like some aloe vera.
It's an instinct that's been infused with our ***** Katsura-san. The pureness of the womb's origins, I read it in a book once. That's why we've got the thrill of the chase and the stalk- it's instinct, instinct! The deities of appropriateness turned their cheeks first. Tch.
[At least it's touching...with fists and stuff]
Damn right! Heres to boogers aimed straight and true.
A man who allows instinct dictate his courtship rituals can not call himself a samurai. I would have expected more discipline out of you, Stalker-san. The cheeks the deities have turned toward you are the ones you see from inside the outhouse box while they cr*p on you, I'm afraid.
[ indeed ]
If one can keep their boogers straight and true, keeping their back the same way is an easy task. This was actually inspiring, Gorilla-san. Thank you.
[Just have the most gentlemanly snort known to man] Why do you think fundoshi are a part of our souls, Wig-san? Instinct. You can't escape it, even with that prim and proper stick up your bum. The only cheeks I see are my own. [He says, with great wonder in his voice] Are my cheeks deities? Did I get a promotion during the season's break?
[He grins and offers Zura a thumbs up] That's the spirit, Virgin-who-can't-drive-san! And keeping their nosehair the same way is equally important. I'm happy to encourage those who need it!
It's not Wig-san, it's Katsura. There is nothing shoved up my behind, and I'm afraid I do not really feel flattered by that suggestion. Perhaps you should tell the tale of your *** cheeks to a corresponding gorilla female, I am sure it will fall on eager ears in that case.
[ nods curtly ]
It's not Virgin-who-can't-drive-san, it's Katsura. That is some good advice, Assfro-gorilla-san. Perhaps you should put it down in a book or star in a talk show, so everyone who needs it can reach it.
...ah, that is actually a good idea. I do not think there are any live shows with guests here on Hollyheights.
[Complete and utter arrogant confidence leaking from his voice-] You store your bombs up there, duh! So technically you do have something nestled in that abyss. [He presses the tips of his fingers together bashfully] Nono, that tale is only for my beautiful gorilla queen as a mating ritual to get those bastards off her behind. [And y'know, the entire neighborhood]
Traffic-Cone-Murderer-san it is, then. [The dawn of a new television era dawns on his face as he looks at Katsura] We could combine it with a Cops chase show during the intermissions? Katsura-san...I think this is the start of something wonderful. I'm with you.
That is ridiculous. Standard bombs are way too big for that. Commonly stored items include army knives, lockpicks and universal keys, you failure of a prison guard.
No no, that would give it an unnecessary political undertone. But a heartfelt talk show with a charming hostess is something this community needs, I would think. Famous citizens sharing their stories of success and nose hair crimping...
[He shakes his head, bemused by his waifu's ignorance] The human body can stretch to impressive diameters when the situation is dire. [He pales] Yo-you put that kind of stuff in there? You're so hardcore, Katsura-san. I had no idea you were so flexible....your people must be so proud of your accomplishments.
Mmm, true, true. That sounds delightful! It'll warm the heart and the wallet! Can we have a segment dedicated to proper nair application as well? Of course you'll be needing a sexy co-host as well. [He frames his face with big meaty hands, smiling innocently]
Of course they are! I am this close to toppling over the Bakufu with peaceful methods, after all. [ scowls ] If you are thinking of putting anything in there, however, I will have to cut you down right here, dirty-craddle-robbing-ape-san.
Ah, that is not a bad idea. I wonder if G*orge Cloon*y lives around these parts somewhere? We might be in trouble otherwise... [ completely oblivious to Kondo's blatant suggestion of himself ] ...perhaps the show could be salvaged if you wear this, Kondo-san.
[ HOLDING UP AN ELIZABETH SHEET, who knows where he even got it from but he's staring at Kondo expectantly with those dead serious dumb deer eyes ]
You're closer to toppling my grandma's J*nga set from the bottom up, and she kept her dentures there to fortify our spirits. [Balks] I DIDN'T ROB ANY CRADLE, IT'S LEGAL PERFECTLY LEGAL! There were no rattles or butt cream in sight. Don't cut anything, leave it alone.
[Blank stare slaps the sheet out of his wife's hands] I think Gorilla Cl**ny will be the host this city deserves.
Nonsense. I practice Jenga all the time, I would pull your grandmother's dentures out of it without toppling it!!
IT MAY BE LEGAL GOING BY THE LAW FORGED BY THE LIKES OF YOU, BUT NOT THE HUMANITY!! HOW OLD ARE YOU, ANYWAY? IS TAE-DONO EVEN EIGHTEEN YET?
[ flails ]
[ catches it and pulls lip dramatically ]
That does not sound cute at all! Come on, Gorilla-Cl**ny-san, do not forget that we have been bound by the sacred shackles of a faux marriage. I miss Elizabeth dearly and it is my birthday! Wear it for me!..
I detect the scent of an amateur with that kinda talk, my friend. There's no need to talk so big, you'll get there eventually. [A mad mad grin twists his lips and his eyes look wild and creepier than usual as he grunts] You've been met with a terrible fate, haven't you?
BY THE LAWS INVESTED BY OUR FOREGORILLAS! IT'S ALL VERY SOPHISTOCATED! TAKE A LOOK AT THE CHARACTER STATS YOU NE'ER DO WELL! SHE'S PERFECTLY LEGAL AND I'M ONLY TWENTY ****! How sad. If you want to take over the business you'll have to pay more attention to detail, Katsura-san.
[Sweats profusely oh no oh no oh no nonono not the lip thing oh Christ's nipples not the lip thing] Oi OIII now c'mon I'm sure there are lots of suckers- I mean, great people who would wear it for you! I wouldn't want to accidentally tear out the ass of something you love so much...do-don't be cry...
Stop talking down to me! I am a strong independent housewife and if I say I would beat you in J*nga, then so I would!
[ glaring up at the mountain of a gorilla. wow for some reason he doesn't feel like he's making a decent scary impression here ]
THAT'S THIRTY *****! DON'T YOU EVER DARE TO MENTION STATS AGAIN!!! I JUST LOOKED AT THEM AGAIN AND IT MAKES ME LOOK LIKE SOME TINY THING NEXT TO GORILLAS!!!!!
[ YES THE LIP THING he does look a little reassured though ]
Oh, perhaps you are right. There are people looking for jobs all the time, perhaps I should present it as a part-time position...
[Ew, no, that's the kind of crap that decides angsty backstories and bathtub capers, Ev*anesscence playing in the bg. Fate decided]
I can't help that you're so short staffed, Katsura-san. Uh huh, okay, I, like, totally believe you.
[Nope, like the tiny dog with the Big Ass Dog complex, the gorilla is unmoved.]
NO, I'M TWENTY**** IN MY HEART! AND MY SOUL! I HAVE TWENTY **** RINGS ON MY TRUNK, DAMMIT! LIKE THOSE OLD TREES! I JUST LOOKED AGAIN! You are a very impressive spec next to the gorillas though, Katsura-san.
[NOOO NOT THE LIP THING. Sweats bullets but he's a little comforted, he might have dodged the bullet]
Exaaaactly! Why, it'll be a hot spot in the ad page, I'm sure!
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2013-07-01 12:30 am (UTC)Alright, maybe I will. I'll even bring these extra strength aloe tissues for the stunning reveal.
no subject
Date: 2013-07-05 06:27 pm (UTC)[ aw it would be sort of sweet if it wasn't, you know, creepy ]
Well thought! Nothing soothes the burn in the heart and eyes like some aloe vera.
no subject
Date: 2013-07-06 12:51 am (UTC)[At least it's touching...with fists and stuff]
Damn right! Heres to boogers aimed straight and true.
no subject
Date: 2013-07-09 02:51 pm (UTC)[ indeed ]
If one can keep their boogers straight and true, keeping their back the same way is an easy task. This was actually inspiring, Gorilla-san. Thank you.
no subject
Date: 2013-07-10 01:54 am (UTC)The only cheeks I see are my own. [He says, with great wonder in his voice] Are my cheeks deities? Did I get a promotion during the season's break?
[He grins and offers Zura a thumbs up] That's the spirit, Virgin-who-can't-drive-san! And keeping their nosehair the same way is equally important. I'm happy to encourage those who need it!
no subject
Date: 2013-07-11 10:18 am (UTC)[ nods curtly ]
It's not Virgin-who-can't-drive-san, it's Katsura. That is some good advice, Assfro-gorilla-san. Perhaps you should put it down in a book or star in a talk show, so everyone who needs it can reach it.
...ah, that is actually a good idea. I do not think there are any live shows with guests here on Hollyheights.
no subject
Date: 2013-07-12 12:15 am (UTC)Traffic-Cone-Murderer-san it is, then. [The dawn of a new television era dawns on his face as he looks at Katsura] We could combine it with a Cops chase show during the intermissions? Katsura-san...I think this is the start of something wonderful. I'm with you.
no subject
Date: 2013-07-14 11:34 am (UTC)No no, that would give it an unnecessary political undertone. But a heartfelt talk show with a charming hostess is something this community needs, I would think. Famous citizens sharing their stories of success and nose hair crimping...
no subject
Date: 2013-07-15 01:17 am (UTC)Mmm, true, true. That sounds delightful! It'll warm the heart and the wallet! Can we have a segment dedicated to proper nair application as well? Of course you'll be needing a sexy co-host as well. [He frames his face with big meaty hands, smiling innocently]
no subject
Date: 2013-07-18 06:00 pm (UTC)Of course they are! I am this close to toppling over the Bakufu with peaceful methods, after all. [ scowls ] If you are thinking of putting anything in there, however, I will have to cut you down right here, dirty-craddle-robbing-ape-san.
Ah, that is not a bad idea. I wonder if G*orge Cloon*y lives around these parts somewhere? We might be in trouble otherwise... [ completely oblivious to Kondo's blatant suggestion of himself ] ...perhaps the show could be salvaged if you wear this, Kondo-san.
[ HOLDING UP AN ELIZABETH SHEET, who knows where he even got it from but he's staring at Kondo expectantly with those dead serious dumb deer eyes ]
no subject
Date: 2013-07-19 04:18 am (UTC)You're closer to toppling my grandma's J*nga set from the bottom up, and she kept her dentures there to fortify our spirits. [Balks] I DIDN'T ROB ANY CRADLE, IT'S LEGAL PERFECTLY LEGAL! There were no rattles or butt cream in sight. Don't cut anything, leave it alone.
[Blank stare
slaps the sheet out of his wife's hands] I think Gorilla Cl**ny will be the host this city deserves.
no subject
Date: 2013-07-23 02:31 pm (UTC)Nonsense. I practice Jenga all the time, I would pull your grandmother's dentures out of it without toppling it!!
IT MAY BE LEGAL GOING BY THE LAW FORGED BY THE LIKES OF YOU, BUT NOT THE HUMANITY!! HOW OLD ARE YOU, ANYWAY? IS TAE-DONO EVEN EIGHTEEN YET?
[ flails ]
[ catches it and pulls lip dramatically ]
That does not sound cute at all! Come on, Gorilla-Cl**ny-san, do not forget that we have been bound by the sacred shackles of a faux marriage. I miss Elizabeth dearly and it is my birthday! Wear it for me!..
[ lip wibbles ]
no subject
Date: 2013-07-24 01:05 am (UTC)I detect the scent of an amateur with that kinda talk, my friend. There's no need to talk so big, you'll get there eventually. [A mad mad grin twists his lips and his eyes look wild and creepier than usual as he grunts] You've been met with a terrible fate, haven't you?
BY THE LAWS INVESTED BY OUR FOREGORILLAS! IT'S ALL VERY SOPHISTOCATED! TAKE A LOOK AT THE CHARACTER STATS YOU NE'ER DO WELL! SHE'S PERFECTLY LEGAL AND I'M ONLY TWENTY ****! How sad. If you want to take over the business you'll have to pay more attention to detail, Katsura-san.
[Sweats profusely oh no oh no oh no nonono not the lip thing oh Christ's nipples not the lip thing] Oi OIII now c'mon I'm sure there are lots of suckers- I mean, great people who would wear it for you! I wouldn't want to accidentally tear out the ass of something you love so much...do-don't be cry...
[Wrings his hands, completely stricken]
no subject
Date: 2013-07-30 06:25 pm (UTC)Stop talking down to me! I am a strong independent housewife and if I say I would beat you in J*nga, then so I would!
[ glaring up at the mountain of a gorilla. wow for some reason he doesn't feel like he's making a decent scary impression here ]
THAT'S THIRTY *****! DON'T YOU EVER DARE TO MENTION STATS AGAIN!!! I JUST LOOKED AT THEM AGAIN AND IT MAKES ME LOOK LIKE SOME TINY THING NEXT TO GORILLAS!!!!!
[ YES THE LIP THING he does look a little reassured though ]
Oh, perhaps you are right. There are people looking for jobs all the time, perhaps I should present it as a part-time position...
no subject
Date: 2013-07-31 12:45 am (UTC)I can't help that you're so short staffed, Katsura-san. Uh huh, okay, I, like, totally believe you.
[Nope, like the tiny dog with the Big Ass Dog complex, the gorilla is unmoved.]
NO, I'M TWENTY**** IN MY HEART! AND MY SOUL! I HAVE TWENTY **** RINGS ON MY TRUNK, DAMMIT! LIKE THOSE OLD TREES! I JUST LOOKED AGAIN! You are a very impressive spec next to the gorillas though, Katsura-san.
[NOOO NOT THE LIP THING. Sweats bullets but he's a little comforted, he might have dodged the bullet]
Exaaaactly! Why, it'll be a hot spot in the ad page, I'm sure!
no subject
Date: 2013-08-22 06:32 pm (UTC)[ shrieking like a true housewife at this point ]
I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR ANYTHING ABOUT YOUR TRUNK RINGS!! YOU HAVE NO SHAAAMEEEEEEE!!! ...eh?
[ okay, now he's smiling a little ]
Of course! Now then, I think the soap is starting...